It’s Saturday again.  The day of the week that I used to call Sasha.  And this was the day that my dad and I were supposed to be headed back to Ukraine to bring Sasha home.  But… that won’t be happening. 

I’ve had lots on my mind this week.  So many things I could possibly write about.  Believe me, I could have a mile-long post about all the “what ifs” that have drifted through my mind.  But I am choosing to not dwell on those things. There is one other thing that’s come to mind.  A dream I had 17 months ago, that I always wished would never come to pass.

Two Christmases ago, December 2010, was when Sasha spent 4 weeks with our family.  One of those nights, while I was sleeping on an inflatable mattress and Sasha was sleeping in my bedroom next door, I had a dream that I have not forgotten over this year and a half. 

Sasha & I - Dec 2010I am not sure how it started, but in the dream, I was running a race.  It was some kind of partners race and we had to hold hands with someone else along the track, and I was running with Sasha.  We had to keep holding hands while we were running this race which ended up more like an obstacle course.  Together, we had to run up and down different things and maneuver around various obstacles.  Along the route, there were so many people cheering us on.  The further we got along in the race, the harder it was to stay together and keep holding on to Sasha’s hand.  I tried holding on tighter, but we got disconnected.  After we could no longer hold hands, I tried to keep my eyes on him, but there came a time when he was no longer in sight.  I did not know what happened to him, but I couldn’t finish the race without him.  It was over.

I woke up from the dream slightly disturbed.  I felt like Sasha and I were on some sort of journey together, but I wasn’t sure what kind.  At this point, we were only hosting him temporarily, with no intention of adopting him.  Regardless of our future plans at that time, the ending of my dream was disheartening.  I didn’t know what kind of journey we were on together, but I didn’t want it to end with us becoming separated.

And now, 17 months later, after a failed adoption, that dream has new meaning.  We had many supporters along the way, obstacles to get around, and for one reason or another we have become disconnected.  It’s not the end of the ‘dream’ I had hoped for, but I trust this is not the end.

God has a race marked out for each of us, Sasha and myself included.  We may not forever be in the same family, but there is still much more ahead of each of us.  I pray that despite our setbacks, we continue to strive for that glorious finish and maybe our paths will cross again someday.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.  Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.
Hebrews 12:1-3 (NLT)

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