The Cost of Unconditional Love

This has been quite a year for me.  A roller coaster of ups and downs.  Miraculous provisions in my family’s adoption, weekly phone calls from a Ukrainian brother who missed us so much, reports from visiting adoptive families telling us he is so ready to come home, perfect timing in an adoption trip… all put to a screeching halt when Sasha said “nyet” in court and my parents returned to the US.  They now have an empty bedroom that is called “Sasha’s” and I doubt that will ever change…

We have not had any contact with Sasha since that day in court on June 13, 2012.  We have gotten secondhand information about things Sasha has said and done, but have yet to hear from him directly. 

Some people in our situation might try to move on from the situation, cut off all contact, and avoid worsening the heartache or resentment. But that’s not where we are headed.  I have hoped to give him some time after the try at adoption to let things settle, pray that the negative influences in his life will subside, and then attempt contact again. 

Reuniting with Sasha while in Ukraine

I am trying to be as cautious as possible.  The last times we connected, it was not good.  He showed little interest in talking, he did not seem like the same kid I had gotten to know over the past 18 months.  When my parents were in Ukraine, he was rather cool towards them.  (See the video of one of their reunions after not seeing one another after a few days… speaks volumes and helps you get a taste of how hard this really is.) 

Remembering those times and emotions makes me tread carefully. Any attempt at contacting him or reminding him of our love seems to be a moment I am making myself vulnerable, offering him another chance to reject us.  It is a risk.  It could hurt.   And if I was to just focus on protecting myself, that might be enough to keep me from ever contacting him.  But this can’t be about me. 

Sasha needs to know that even if he pushes away, he is still loved.

My mom says even if the adoption failed, they were still successful.  To her, their mission was to show Sasha that he is loved.  They went all the way there to adopt him, visited him, and did all they could for him… which is more than anyone has done for him since he has been in the orphanage.  They showed him love.  She says she heard that many men do not accept Christ because they have not experienced unconditional love in their lives and it makes it much harder for them to understand coming from God.  Her prayer is that now that Sasha has seen unconditional love from our family, in God’s perfect timing, he will be presented with God’s unconditional love, and will be able to accept it since he was able to experience it from us.

So, here goes my first attempt to remind Sasha of our love.  His first day of school is Monday September 3rd.  The first day of school is a big day in Ukraine, a national celebration.  Last year on this day, we joined in with many families who were in the process of adopting and had personal deliveries sent to our children who were all at the same boarding school.   Today, all of those children who received gifts on the first day of school are now home with their forever families in the US… except our one. 

So, I have decided to send a delivery again to Sasha this year.  The service guarantees delivery on the day we arranged and even provides a photo of the child receiving the package.  What will Sasha’s expression be? What will he think? That will be a photo definitely worth 1,000 words. 

After that, the NHFC interview team will also have a care package for him from our family.  Sasha will probably receive that one a few weeks after the first day of school.  Will his reaction be any different from when he receives the first package?  Will his thoughts toward us have changed?  Will he want to contact us again?

Right now, all of that is unknown.  But I will keep loving him regardless.  It’s such a risk to be vulnerable… to open yourself up to be getting hurt and your love being rejected.  And that is the cost of loving. 

Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
It does not demand its own way.
It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
It does not rejoice about injustice
but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 
Love never gives up,
never loses faith,
is always hopeful,
and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

 

Updates!

First Day of School Sept 1, 2012

NHFC Gift Bag Delivery Sept 5, 2012

 

Sept 2010 – Sasha’s first interview with NHFC
5 Sept 2011 – I visited Sasha with NHFC team and asked if he would like to be adopted by our family.
5 Sept 2012 – Sasha receives our carepackage from NHFC team to remind him we love him!

 
You can read the sweet story behind this photo
taken Sept 5th on my Facebook page